The Restless Poet

I’m not sure if it was hope or intuition that fueled the most unexpected moment of my life. I absolutely don’t think anything could ever exceed my expectations like the happenings of that night. This was a moment years in the making and it was so worth the wait…like that of a predator stalking its prey and then pouncing. In this case, I’m not sure who pounced first.

I’d had visions of recreating the night from thirty years earlier many times over. Was it really as spectacular as my dreams made it out to seem? The passion that simmered beneath the surface the instant we touched was that of award winning theatrics. Is it even possible to recreate that? Those were the visions in my fleeting thoughts through the years. Surely, I had made them more grandiose over time. What I envisioned was only possible in romance novels (though I still have yet to read one) or so I thought.

When you called me and asked to meet up, my mind retraced every second of that night in full detail. Riding your motorcycle to a quiet spot, climbing off, turning to face each other and in an instant completely freeing myself of all restraint and falling into your space, the one I had fought so hard to evade. There had been no turning back, no more anticipation. It took less than an instant to feel your mouth on mine. This wasn’t just a kiss, this was a melding of two souls. Time stood still. There would be no words that could ever describe the intensity of that primal exchange. There was no awkward initiation, absolutely no hesitation. This was two souls meeting after a lifetime apart and the reconnection was fate. I knew it was near impossible to experience an intensity like that again but it was worthy of thinking it possible.

The night you came to town, I was on my heels ready to pivot and back out. Not because I was nervous to see you but worried the encounter would be overshadowed by my longings and I would be disappointed. I tried to act casual, to spare myself from getting overly emotional. A feat I’m quite sure was not achieved. My body could be directed but my heart had left the house too early for me to catch up. I climbed in the car and headed out to meet you, listening to songs that stirred memories of us as I drove. I was not trying hard enough to tamper my excitement. It was only building mile upon mile.

I pulled up, desperately hoping I wouldn’t see you immediately. I needed a few minutes before our reunion to gather myself and frankly, reel in my fervor, lest I lose control at first glance. I had to go look for you, giving me extra time to shake off the instinct to run to you. I didn’t run when I saw you but I quickened my step, ready to feel your arms around me. That hug! Oh! That hug! I forgot how much your touch shoots darts of pleasure to every nerve in my skin. If they were to glow, I would appear as a firefly against the midnight sky. To stay in that space would have been enough for me that night. I was content. Who needs anything else?…or so I thought and then anything else happened. It wasn’t instant but I had an inkling our minds were thinking alike. The one reason we could never be together. The connection between us had always been too intense. We never needed to say it but we both always felt the warnings. We couldn’t be because it would have been too powerful and it would have consumed us. We were better having always wondered the what ifs instead of this is what it is.

You motioned me to come stand near you. The distance wasn’t close enough to mix our energy though I think it was floating in the air that night. I think you were even more stimulated by my presence, almost pained that we couldn’t just excuse ourselves and be alone. You found the opportunity though, within mere minutes. That look was all too familiar. The smile that made my bones melt and the signal that this was going to be much more than just a quiet conversation, though I braced myself to expect less than what I wanted.

We crossed the street to your truck, pretending that the intention was only to grab something out of the back. I played along. We slowed to talk about other things, things we would never remember because our attention was only on the moment and the fact that this was our one opportunity to see if anything had changed in the last three decades.

The moment, the one I thought would pass and I could put aside my endless guilty pleasure of having myself in your arms again – happened. Damn! It really happened. You initiated, I think?!?, reaching out to pull me in for an embrace. I could hear a slight sigh as my ear pressed against your cheek. This was slow, there was no rush like when we were young. This was a reconnection that yearned for remembrance. A memory that could be sustained for the rest of our lives. It was gentle, more of a caress to feel the warmth and body against body, molding into each curve. There would be no release, at least not immediately.

We relaxed our grip and I turned to give you a simple kiss, a sweet exchange and then our lips met. It was subtle, the turn inward to taste more and then it wasn’t. Slightly unexpected but not unwanted. It took less than a second for the years between to vanish and we were back under the oak trees thirty years prior with passion surging through our veins. There was no stopping this roller coaster. We were all in. I relented, your hand on my neck drawing me closer, the other on my waist as if to steady me. The intensity that had built up, swallowed us whole. I’m not sure even an earthquake could have separated us. We were submersed in an instant and I was swimming in a sea of my longings. Your lips on mine made the years slip away. This was a reunion of our souls. I will never remember all of that night but the emotion will forever be seared in my memory.

The connection was more incredible than I could ever imagine and identical to all that had swept us up so many years ago. They say you can never replicate moments in time, so my only explanation is that we bent time and traveled back to that evening in the woods and relived the most spectacular night of my life. This was not insignificant. This was truly monumental and worthy enough to keep floating in the ethers of romance for eternity. Maybe we hold out for another thirty years and see if we can transport ourselves back and relive the magic all over again. I’m all in.