The Restless Poet

I ponder my dream from last night. You…laughing, joking, talking among the men in the group. I pass by, oblivious to who was sitting at the table and then I heard your laugh. Rich, smooth and velvety as dark chocolate. I turned, my eyes met yours. You shifted, subtly, an involuntary flicker like that of a frightened animal. A brief break in your gaze but you refused to let go.

Words sprang to my lips before I could stop them, “I’m not done with you. I want to finish this”. You waved me off with a laugh so the others wouldn’t see the tension between us. You looked good, rested. A connection with your body that illuminated from within. These past few months have been kind to you.

I had to take care of a few last minute obligations before my time off started. I could feel the hurry in my step, wanting to forget it all and turn back to you before you took off again. I could feel it in my bones, you were going to sneak away before I could get my words out. “Please don’t leave!” I pleaded in my mind. My conversations were rushed, my hands shaking trying to finish as quickly as I could.

I started back through the hallway, practically running. I knew you had left. I opened the door, glanced over at the table, your spot was vacant. You left so quickly, there was no doubt the air was still moving where you had fled.

I felt that, the last goodbye. I wouldn’t see you again, you had spoken. The love, the kind words I had for you would be left hanging. I’m okay with that, I never left much unexpressed. I am, however, sad that you never understood what I was actually saying. This was an unspoken understanding that this was a goodbye. The last faint whisper of our connection, before it slipped away. A farewell. I’ll love you always.